COOK'S HUMOR

Husbands - What would we do without them?

My husband used to do a lot of cooking in his bachelor days, but since I've spoiled him with my cooking for so many years now, he's mostly whittled it down to frying bacon and boiling eggs.

So this morning he announced he's having hardboiled eggs for breakfast and that he's putting some on to boil. I told him none for me, as I like a soft yolk so I can dunk my toast or mix in with my hash browns. With that, I retreated to the bathroom for my daily morning struggle with my newly permed hair. (Scream, scream!!)

Turns out all that screaming isn't coming from me, it's coming from my dearly beloved who is pounding on the bathroom door in a panic, shouting that I need to come out to the kitchen right now because he'd turned on the oven by mistake and couldn't turn it off!

I hurry out there and find the eggs boiling merrily, completely oblivious of the fact that the oven's on fire just a few inches below. He had pushed the "Cook time" button instead of the Timer and it turned the oven on. So I turn off the cook time button - problem solved! However, in doing that, it also deleted the minutes remaining for the oven cook time, which presented another dilemma. Now he doesn't know how long the eggs have been boiling!

Well, my dear, I'm thinking to myself, there are just some problems I can't solve and you're on your own from here on. So he set the timer for another four minutes, although it looked to me from all the white froth on top that the eggs had already reached the hard boiled stage - and then some.

But see, all this wasn't his fault - it was Hotpoint's fault for placing the "Cook Start" button right next to the "Timer on/off" button. And he's so experienced in the egg boiling process now that he thinks he can just click, click, click those buttons without looking and walk away, smugly secure in the knowledge that all is well with the world. (It's a guy thing.)

Well, eventually time proved that all was not well because the entire problem wasn't entirely solved. After the first problem was fixed, we went our separate ways - me back to the bad hair situation and he, well, I don't know where he went. What I do know is that after five or six minutes, I finally realize that faint noise I'm hearing coming from the kitchen is the stove timer beeping its head off. I rush out there and find the eggs still boiling merrily away - and I do mean away - with shells all cracked and water almost all evaporated.

I do my wifely duty and grab the pan off the stove and as I start running cold water over the eggs I look out the window and there he is, mowing grass without a care in the world.

Purposely, I waited another 10 minutes, then opened the back door and shouted out to him, "You think your eggs are done yet?"

Without a moment's hesitation, and without a doubt in his mind that I would have already handled the situation, he says, "You took them off, didn't you?" and went on mowing.

Now right about here I could say it's not "What would we do without them?" it's "What would they do without us?" But then I think about all that grass to cut and decide maybe it's pretty much even-Steven.

So with the egg problem finally solved and my hair pretty much settled into place with extra-hold hairspray, I set out on my next egg mission of the day, which was to incorporate some into this tasty Two-Cheese and Onion Quiche. Beats the heck out of hardboiled!

TWO CHEESE AND ONION QUICHE

1 9-inch piecrust, partially 1 small can French fried onions

baked to a light golden brown 1-1/2 cups milk

(do not prick) 3 eggs

1/2 cup shredded sharp Cheddar 1 cup shredded Swiss cheese

1/2 tsp. salt Dash cayenne pepper

Preheat oven to 325º. Fill prepared piecrust with two-thirds of the French fried onions. Beat eggs slightly; blend in milk, half the Swiss cheese and all the cheddar, salt and cayenne pepper. Pour over onions in piecrust. Sprinkle the remaining Swiss cheese over all. Bake for 45 minutes. Sprinkle remaining onions on pie. Bake 5-10 minutes more until golden brown. Let stand at room temperature for 5 to 10 minutes. Cut into wedges to serve.